Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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