Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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