It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
