I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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