The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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