you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was like getting head from an anaconda
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
