you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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