just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
