6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
home. puking in laundry basket.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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