How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
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Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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