HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
