How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
