i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
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On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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