So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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