she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
