So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
