i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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