It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
