i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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