he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
