well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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