sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
