Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
