my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
