I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
