I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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