I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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