Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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