I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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