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The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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