i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
