I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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