He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
