I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
