don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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