I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
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