If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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