She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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