I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
