I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
