The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
