i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
