there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
