I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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