Can i not drive my cunt home
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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