I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
