Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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