Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
