is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
