I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
