I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
