I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
