so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Is it penis luge time yet?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
