I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
