So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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