I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
