why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
