I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
