Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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