He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The beer is more important than you right now.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
