your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I don't think brook has ever known best
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
