I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
