Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
