i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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