you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
