if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So many bounce houses so little time
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
