I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
