Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
