Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
