Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
