pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
