Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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