oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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