Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
