Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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