I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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