you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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