Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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