ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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