i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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