Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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