also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
