in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
