I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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