I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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