I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
