My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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