the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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