Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
