whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
